Open Post

[obedientdog]

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🐺 General squick/trigger list.
🐺 m/m for anything shippy.
🐺 General headcanon for Skov. If you've got different headcanon/ideas for a psl, hit me with 'em; I'm flexible.
🐺 Skov's kink list.
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[dreamforger]

[Kavinsky sighs in resignation, like he'd been clearly trying to avoid something, but that since Swan and Skov weren't willing to let him just watch and help as they fucked, he was going to have to do something.]

Alright, fine, fuck it: timeout.

[He looks annoyed, but it's more the sort of annoyed that suggests K talking about something (which is always gross, in his opinion), and not that he's actually upset at either of them for anything. He rolls his eyes a little, like he thinks this is dumb, but that he's going to do it anyway. But he does nuzzle back in towards Skov, a similar sort of affection in the gesture.]

I know, I know, and you guys are sweet. But uh- it doesn't work like this. You can't just ask me what I want, because we've never had sex before, and so I don't know what you're comfortable with. Like I know you guys aren't really into girls. So-- is there a point where my body gets too feminine, ways you wouldn't want to touch me? Would it kill your erection if I took my binder off? My boxers? And it's fine if there are lines, that's not my point. The point is that I don't know what's okay any more than you do.

[He punches Swan in the chest, but it's soft, affectionate more than anything, because he's too tall and just out of reach of K's ability to kiss him without displacing Skov from his shoulder.]

So even if it's real cute, you can't just just bat your eyelashes at me and ask what I want. You two can manage it because it's not complicated, and because you've done this before. So if you guys weren't so goddamn egalitarian, I could've watched and helped and we wouldn't have had to worry about it. But I guess we're having a freaking pow-wow.

[obedientdog]

[Skov looked a little embarrassed. He felt embarrassed, since the moment Kavinsky said timeout. He was pretty sure K wasn't upset with him, but. It wasn't a good feeling, worrying you'd upset a friend when it was the farthest thing from your intention. The nuzzle made him feel at least a little better.

Kavinsky had a lot of good points, a lot of things that Skov had only vaguely thought about. K was just K to Skov, but he'd never seen him naked, he hadn't had to think about the facts.]

If we weren't so what?

[It wasn't really a secret that Kavinsky did better in like, pretty much every class than Skov, but he wasn't usually reminded of their intellectual differences. Except when they were studying or when Skov saw test scores. Which he usually tried not to think about.]

'm sorry.

[Skov backed off a little. He didn't go far, but he put some space between him and Kavinsky.

Swan, for his part, looked...pretty unruffled, actually. He caught Kavinsky's hand after the punch- if it could be called that- grip gentle.]

Taking off your clothes isn't going to kill my erection. What's underneath isn't gross to me. [It just didn't do anything for him, it was like looking at a meadow; it was pretty but it wasn't going to get him off. Touching, on the other hand- he wasn't sure.]

I guess a good way to work through this is to talk about what we want or like and see what everyone else is comfortable with. Since no one's a mind reader.

[He glanced over at Skov, who was still standing with his head ducked, and let go of Kavinsky's hand. Stepping over, he wrapped an arm around Skov's shoulders and pulled him in for a hug.]

[dreamforger]

Don't be sorry, it's not your fault.

[He doesn't meet Skov's eyes, though. He feels guilty, for causing this sort of problem, for the fact that his body is wrong and he doesn't know how to get himself a better one. It does help a little to be told that Swan doesn't think that he's gross. But it's still uncomfortable, not that he wants the other boys to have to think about that. How it feels knowing that his body is fundamentally unattractive. And he gets it because he wants to just shift his skin into something better.]

I guess.

[His voice comes out a bit distant, his gaze aimed at the wall, not quite sure sure what to do with himself.

They'd both left him standing there, so they could pair off together to touch. Leaving him off to the side like a physical manifestation of the problem-- one of these things doesn't belong. He wasn't good enough, it seems almost impossible to imagine earlier when he had thought that he was.]

[obedientdog]

Well, it's somebody's fault and it's not yours!

[Because it wasn't like Kavinsky had done anything wrong. Skov just- he was a people pleaser, he enjoyed making others happy and when he fucked up and did the opposite- or even if he didn't fuck up- he tended to blame himself for it. He could probably blame his father for that one, but he didn't like thinking about the man as it was.]

Hey- [Swan reached over to put a hand on Kavinsky's shoulder, shaking him gently.] -don't give me that. Did I say something wrong?

[Sometimes, he didn't know when he'd put his foot in his mouth until it was too late. This was new and uncharted territory for him and he really didn't want to fuck it up.]

Tell me if I fuck up, okay? I don't want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.

[Wiggling away from Swan, Skov pulled his shirt back on, because honestly, he felt like he shouldn't be having this kind of conversation while shirtless. Whatever exactly 'this kind of conversation' was beyond a serious one.]

Maybe we tried to take things too fast? I know- I'm the last person who should be saying something like that, but- This is something we all need to talk about.

[He reached out to touch K's arm, a slight brush of his fingertips meant as reassurance. He couldn't believe that things had gone from romantic to horny to awkward to this in the span of, what, 20 minutes?]

You're not- you're not mad at me, though?

[Skov, who sometimes lived for making people mad at him so they'd throw a punch and give him a reason to retaliate- this was vastly different. Kavinsky wasn't just anyone. He was not only one of Skov's best friends, but now his boyfriend. As of about five minutes ago, but still. Skov took this relationship status increase very seriously.]

I didn't mean to make things awkward af. And it's not your fault either! Which I guess sounds kind of like I'm blaming Swan-

[He looked over at Swan but didn't amend that with a 'but' or anything else. If it wasn't Skov's fault and it wasn't K's fault, that literally left only one person.]

[dreamforger]

[Between Skov being so insistent that it wasn't his fault, and the way that Swan did reach out and touch him, fingers curling against his shoulder and shaking him a little bit like he was trying to pull him out of his dark thoughts. And it is enough that it pulls his gaze from the wall so that he's looking up at the other boy.

At the questions, the way that Swan asks if he fucked up, Kavinsky sighs, shrugging his shoulders a little bit. He still feels like he's the one that's wrong here. But he's trying to not shut down and pull away, he's trying to be-- something. To give them a chance, to give this a chance. So he lets himself believe him when he says that he doesn't want to hurt him. Because they've always been there for him, haven't they?]

Look, I mean-- I am glad that you don't think that I'm gross. But that's not exactly something I wanna hear from my boyfriend, you know? I wanted- to think that you wanted me. That you- fuck, I dunno. That you thought I was attractive or hot or something. That sort of shit.

[He tries not to sniffle or make it outwardly obvious that he is hurt and uncomfortable, but it's hard. This is hard for him.]

I guess I sort of thought it'd be like everything else. Where I worry about this stuff like it's the end of the world, and you guys tell me that I'm okay, and that it's fine. But it's not fine. I'm just- broken.

[And he's not okay; he just feels so much. And he wants to throw something, break something, set something on fire, but the warehouse is thankfully empty, and so instead he just sort of crashes his body into Swan. Maybe it could have been aggressive if K was bigger and not skinny as hell. But as it is, he just sort of presses his face into his chest. He's not even angry, he just feels overwhelmed, like he doesn't even know how to make this better.

Could he dream them a better version of him? A copy, like he had with his father, but not fucked up like he was. He can at least acknowledge that he doesn't think Skov or Swan would want that.

But he nods in response to Skov's question about taking things too fast, turns toward him when he touches his arm. It's just a slight brush of his fingertips, but it feels soothing. He reaches out, catches Skov's wrist in his fingers, his fingertips soothing- because holding on is easier than the words. But he does manage to murmur out a quiet response:]

'M not mad. 'Specially not at you. But yeah, we can talk.

[obedientdog]

[Oh. It was better this way though, Swan thought- the being honest part, not the accidentally-hurting-Kavinsky part. Swan could be blunt and he could be a jerk- a bigger jerk than Skov- and sometimes he wasn't always sure how to be soft. His friends meant a lot to him though and he wanted to be there for them, to support them and lift them up, not drag them down and make them miserable.]

I do want you. I meant- [Did it matter what he'd meant when he'd fucked it up?] You're one of the hottest guys I know. [If Skov wasn't there he'd absolutely say 'the hottest', but-] Top two, and they're both standing right here.

[He wasn't good with apologies, so instead, when Kavinsky crashed into him, Swan wrapped his arms around him, rubbing at the back of his neck.]

Everything's going to be okay. We can do this.

[Skov made a noise of protest, not about what Swan had said or anything, but-]

Yeah. And you're not broken! If you're broken, we're all broken and that means we just need to- to be the fancy shit with the glue and the gold, you know?

[Kintsugi, he was talking about kintsugi but like fuck if he could remember the word for it.]

We can hold each other together. That's what friends are supposed to do. And boyfriends.

[It felt like a weight (most of it, at least) had been lifted off his shoulders now that he knew Kavinsky wasn't mad at him, and Skov wrapped his arms around him, too, effectively trapping K between him and Swan. With love- though Skov hadn't yet figured out that was what he was feeling.]

Also, you're super fucking hot, like- [His voice dropped a little, quieter, more serious.] When we met, I couldn't believe you were talking to me because I was like 'this guy's way out of my league'. I figured you only talked to me cause of Swan, but-

[But now look at them. Maybe their current situation was rocky, but Skov didn't know what he'd do without K and Swan.]

You're like a dream.

[dreamforger]

[Really, Kavinsky wasn't offended at the idea that Swan thought he was as hot as Skov. Really, it felt like a compliment, since K was of the opinion that Skov was cute and gorgeous, and easily desirable. And it helped, the way that he wraps his arms around him, fingers rubbing at the back of his neck. He trusted contact when he couldn't trust anything else. Maybe because he'd always had so little of it.]

Okay. I- still wanna be your boyfriend.

[Just in case that had been in doubt, in someway. He sighs as Skov wraps his arms around him, closing his eyes just for a moment. Kavinsky knew that he was in love with them, it was just too difficult to say just yet. But it felt more like love than anything else he'd ever experienced, and he couldn't imagine loving anyone more than he did with Skov and Swan. He was pretty sure that for Kavinsky this was as close as he got to loving people, at least. The best that he could manage.

He shifts a little bit so that he can twist in their arms, so that he doesn't pull away from either of them, but he can press his back to Swan's chest and face Skov, can reach up and curl his fingers in his hair. He sniffles a little, almost wants to fucking cry, because there's something about being wanted like this that almost feels impossible. The way that Skov says he's like a dream, that he thought K was out of his league.]

Sweetheart, I talked to you 'cause I thought you were gorgeous. I would've been more obvious, but you two were obviously crushing over each other. So I tried to back off, but I just-- you're my best addiction. Both of you.

[He kisses him, but it's different from earlier. It's what he'd meant to go for before- just soft and sweet, using gentle fingertips to messily brush his hair back off his face. It makes him feel a bit more like himself, a bit less like a tangled ball of emotion. He looks up at Swan with a cheeky sort of smile.]

If you're jealous, I'll kiss you too.

[He's not quite okay, but it's better, at least.]